I know it will be fine but…..

downloadIt has been a long long time since I have posted. Life has been the same ole busy thing. There have been big big bumps and easy care free moments. We hit our 21st wedding anniversary. and we had our #1 cherub graduate high school.

He has 71 days until we drop him off at his college dorm

There are a thousand articles and blogs out there that talk about how hard it is but……

it is healthy

it is such an exciting time

it was the plan was all along

God loaned our babies to us to raise into good God loving, gospel spreading young adults

How would we feel if they didn’t leave, didn’t become independent young men & women?

Every one of those things is totally true. I agree with them 100%. My son is a good man. We are incredibly proud of him. We have raised him to be independent and to be able to thrive in the world. He is so excited about his future and we are excited for him.

It doesn’t change how sad I am. It doesn’t make me feel better that in 71 days my son will only come home to visit.

Day to day life will be different. We will be a house of 4 instead of 5.  I will miss listening to the boys chat at night. I love going to sleep listening the hum of their whispering. I will miss our Saturday morning tradition of watching the latest super hero television show together. My #2 son will be driving to and from school by himself from now on. The brothers have always been together. This will be the first time in their lives that they are apart. My #2 son told me his heart hurt yesterday as they drove home from school for the last time together. Family dinners will be different, Family day will be different.

Everything will be different.

I will miss him so much.

I blinked and it was over. It seems like yesterday (honestly) that he would run out when I got home and wrap his little chubby arms around me or beg me to rub his back so he could fall asleep. I would give anything to have back the moment in the picture above.

I am sure in a few months I will be able to write about the joy of watching my child become an independent person in his own element, The satisfaction in seeing the evolution of the young man to the more mature man.

But for today I am just sad. My good friend gave me some great advice, “Don’t ignore or repress your feelings. You have to acknowledge them in order to move forward” So here I am, fully acknowledging my feelings, a weepy sad mess.

For all the mommas out there that have been through this I know it is temporary. We have many friends whose children have left the nest and their new normal is just fine. I know we will get there too. But for today I just want to have a pity party and a glass of wine.