You know you may be too controlling when you are listening to a “How to be a better father” podcast and trying to figure out how to apply it towards your parenting as a momma.
As I was listening to the daily Podcast from Focus on the Family instead of thinking, “Oh I should let my husband listen to this” I was thinking,”Oh good tip, how can I implement that in my parenting.”
I think these are the moments God steps in and gives you a little smack upside the head because next thing you know I thought, “What am I doing”? and that is the moment I start the spiral down the rabbit hole. In my head it sounds like this….,
“Gasp….I am bossy”
“I do think I parent better than him”
“I do think I know what’s right all the time”
“He so much more patient with me than I am with him”
“He is so much more supportive of me than I am of him”
Blah blah blah…” It just goes on and on,
Let me give you a little background on Mr. Incredible. He is about the best dad around. He is loving, affectionate,kind and fair. He is the calmer of the two of us. He is the more patient of the two of us and he is not a yeller. He sets an amazing example of how a husband and father should act.
Why then do I feel compelled to redirect his parenting?
Part of the reason is the fact that I have had a very strained relationship with some of my family over the years. It comes from years of unresolved conflict that have built up and now feelings have been hurt for so long and there is so much resentment.
One of my biggest fears is that my little family will fall into that trap and grow apart. That we they won’t be close as they get older. I am so worried about this that whenever there is conflict with relationships in our home I try to mediate and navigate. I just want everyone to be happy and get along.
When Mr incredible parents in a way that I may not agree with I find myself redirecting him. I don’t want him to do anything that would damage his relationships with the cherubs.
How really lame and arrogant of me!?!?
He is a good man. He knows what he is doing. When he does something that irritates my daughter (and he can drive her insane) I need to let that go and let them work it out. Obviously he is doing OK . He has apparently not caused any long-term damage yet and they all adore him.
He doesn’t interfere with my parenting. He lets me discipline my way. Even when I am yelling so loud that vein in my forehead is about to rupture. (Although he may give me a little shoulder rub in the midst of my rampage to settle me down) He certainly is not telling me how to do my parenting his way.
I am not saying there are not times when parents can use a little reality check from each other, but in a supportive way, in private. If it is more of a rarity that we are redirecting as opposed to the norm I would imagine these moments would be met with much better receptiveness..
If you need some biblical back up check out these verses on a Quarrelsome (i.e. bossy, controlling wife)
A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. – Proverbs 19:1b
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. – Proverbs 21:9
It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. – Proverbs 21:19
A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands. – Proverbs 27:15-16
Do those sound like the ways you want to be perceived? Not me. I want to set an example for my cherubs of how a wife should act. I don’t want to be the wife that they remember as disciplining dad I want to be the wife they remember as their dad’s partner. That we stand united on all fronts. The bible makes it pretty easy to figure out the right way to act.
Proverbs 31:10-12 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.